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RTO REPORT
Give and Receive
The request for the New Year article for our newsletter came
at the time when, like all of you reading this no doubt, I
was up to my eyes in Christmas shopping lists, wrapping paper
and sellotape so the theme of giving and receiving seemed
a very apt subject to look at. It was not the giving or receiving
of gifts from the shops that came to mind but more how we
need to learn when to give of ourselves and when we need to
sit back and receive.
As healers we are all encouraged to heal ourselves before
we think of healing others and that means accepting healing
for ourselves rather than always giving it, especially at
those times when we are ill or vulnerable. This allows us
to restore our own energy levels so that we can go out and
give again. This seems to be common sense doesn't it? But
how often do we become the Rescuer, rushing out to give of
ourselves for the benefit of others without realising that
we could be taking away their own sense of esteem by doing
it for them? Are we are not really setting out to give to
others at this time just to bolster our own neediness? Always
giving and never letting ourselves receive can render those
we want to give to, powerless to give something back and thus
rob them of the joy of giving as well as their sense of self
esteem. It can be addictive to be needed, valued and looked
up to, to feel that we are essential to another's health and
healing but unless we are mindful of maintaining the essential
balance between our needs and those of others then we are
not giving anything to anyone and their energy reserves can
run as dry as our own.
Pride can often be a problem to receiving too - we become
too proud to accept help from others who we have traditionally
given to as it seems to hint at a weakening of our own abilities,
which heralds itself a fear of change. This can often be seen
with the role reversal that naturally comes between parent
and child as both age, where the 'child' has to become the
'parent'. With dementia affecting 1 in 3 as we age this is
something many of us are having to face or will have to face
in the future.
Perhaps we need to be aware of the natural process of change
and embrace that change with dignity and grace? Whilst I am
the first to stress that we owe it to ourselves to keep ourselves
physically, mentally and spiritually healthy and active for
as long as we can I am also keen to stress that we need to
be able to acknowledge when to 'let go' of activities that
served us once but which now no longer do so. To everything
there is a time and a season and we are spiritually blind
if we are unable to recognise the time to move on and let
go of something - to stop giving and instead sit back and
receive gracefully.
Perhaps we need to be aware that although we may have been
givers of our time, talents, creativity, expertise in the
past, a time may come when we will perhaps need to give up
some of those things and allow others the opportunity to do
what we have done, in their own way - they will then grow,
as we did, through being the givers and it will be our time
to receive.
Change like this can often be frightening - a sign that anno
domini is marching on, leaving us feeling perhaps that there
is no point to our lives anymore. We have identified ourselves
by our 'doingness' rather than our 'beingness' and when what
we perceive as our usefulness begins to dissipate, through
age or infirmity we experience a deep sense of loss and a
state of panic can set in at what we sense we are losing.
But perhaps we need to change our mind set and create a different
reality. Rather than fearing what we are losing, embrace instead
what we are receiving, accepting with grace the place that
we inhabit at that moment, knowing that all things come and
all things go and that each moment of our life is a truly
wonderful gift, if only we are able to view it that way.
May the New Year bring us all many such gifts and may we
all have the grace to receive them with open arms.
Penny Gillman
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